I got into the New School today with $20,900 in loans and scholarships, but I’m not going. It was my top choice, but apparently it’s too expensive for my dad’s never-ending pocket. So I’m probably going to Hunter and will be a beast in every class without trying thanks to Xavier’s fucked senior year. Three cheers for another bullshit educational career?
So there’s this band Handguns, fucking awesome band. Saw them with the Wonder Years a few weeks ago, went to their video shoot, picked up their album on vinyl. At the video shoot, they were supposed to do a free set, but ran out of time. So they promised a free show in the next few months to make…
Right now there are three possible avenues that could lead to Tommy Called the Cops playing a show soon, but it’s taking what feels like forever to these guys to call us back. Hurry the fuck up so we can have some ill bro-time with everyone and play some badass music!
A ton of my friends think I’ve changed, and they’re all right. I have, for the better and for the worse. I used to be very open about everything, and I used to not be afraid of putting myself out there and be vulnerable, and in some of those respects I still am the same, but I’ve just become hardened that I don’t care. I grew up away from the first group of friends I’ve ever had and now only one is still there to talk to me because the rest don’t care about me anymore, as they should; I would hang out with them randomly throughout the school year because of whatever other groups of friends, girlfriend at the time, and schoolwork. And I’m sorry, I fucked up now and then, sure, just like they did; but now I’m just different because of that time apart. I don’t care about things in a negative manner now; sure, people’s feelings still matter and I won’t hurt them personally, but I don’t have a drive to achieve anything because it’s all so pointless in the long run. I regret nothing that I’ve done or not done, and all my hopes and dreams of the future (career, wife, family, etc.) have dissipated because of this non-caring attitude. I’m an emotionless wreck right now without a care in the world, which is actually very scary if you think about it. I’m just a shadow of what I used to be, and some might think that’s for the better while others obviously do not. Either way, it’s too late for me to give a shit and go back and change.
“ADMIT IT! Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance and vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs, you know nothing ABOUT art or sex that you couldn’t read in any trendy new york underground fashion magazine…Proto-typical non-conformist. You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges-BULLSHIT-giving your thumbs up and thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art. Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern. You’re diving face forward into an antiquated past, it’s disgusting! It’s offensive! Don’t stick your nose up at me!”—Say Anything! (via igotoseekmy-greatperhaps)
I just want to have fun. I want to read. I want to write. Someday I want to meet a girl who’s gonna make me flip out each time I see her in the best way possible. But not yet, I still need time to do me unfortunately. I want to think about life and talk about it and walk around and play handball and be a kid again just one more time before I have to become an adult. I want to get my tattoo done as soon as possible. Across my shoulders, it’ll read “KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER.” I want Tommy Called the Cops to start playing shows and writing songs and having ill bouts of friendship again. Nothing matters if you aren’t happy, and I’m happy as fuck right now, whatever that means, but happiness is always fleeting. But I just need to change myself and get myself figured out and thinking straight and not dwelling on things that no longer matter. Fuck the past, let it stay where it belongs. Fuck the future, it’ll come when it may and I’ll never be ready for a second of it. I live now and only now and I’d rather only live now because nothing else matters but now.
Tonight is The Wonder Years concert in Greenpoint. Thirty minutes ago I just finished telling my dad off about how I’ve felt shitty with all my work this year and how he’s been only detrimental to it the entire time. Right now I’m listening to the new Sum 41 album and it’s quite badass, way darker than Underclass Hero, which I’m extremely happy with. Last night I downloaded the new (and unreleased) Title Fight album, which is extremely dark and sick and I love it. Two nights ago I started working on this ballad, but I hate it so it’s getting scrapped and tomorrow/late tonight I’m restringing my Tele and writing a good punk tune. I’m sleepy but content. I got my report card today and somehow got an 86 or above in every class after what I thought was a terrible quarter for me. (In Xavier, if your third and fourth quarter averages for each class is an 85 or above, you don’t have to take finals. Currently, I’m exempt from finals.) I want to write and read philosophy for weeks on end. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I need to write down, but I never do so I’m sure slowly but surely they are disappearing and being forgotten. I gotta get on that. If this were MySpace (or is it my____ now?) I would say my mood is hyped.