There is an ember in the heart of the kiln And it’s burning hot with love Burning out my center till there’s nothing but dust rolling me with care into your cigarette Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail
What did you learn tonight? You’re shouting so loud, you barely joyous, broken thing. You’re a voice that never sings, is what I say You are freezing over hell You are bringing on the end, you do so well You can only blame yourself, it’s what I say
Train rides up west to my second home. You sat there waiting for me. Books for the ride, just to pass the time. These birds of peace are leaving. No more waiting for me. No more waiting for me. Stay up late, watch tv. We never watched it really. We made plans I thought we’d keep. The dates still in my diary. No more waiting for me. No more waiting for you.
I’ve had a couple songs sitting around in my head and notebook for the past few weeks, and with the likelihood of this Sunday leaving me home, as well as my dad being gone for a few hours, it’s time to record some tunes. Some covers, an original maybe, and maybe even new TCTC shit. We’ll see; I’m just getting tired of having the same things playing through my head just so I remember how to play them. They must go and make way for the new.
I couldn’t be more pumped right now. My old band from freshman year is getting back together, and we don’t suck at our instruments now. In fact, we’ve all become pretty capable musicians of handling more than just a few shitty covers here or there. Possible recordings to come.
New tattoo today? Hopefully one of the Greenpoint parlors has a free artist who wants to make Adrian’s drawing of a sword crossed with a quill legitimate ink on my arm. And, more hopefully although unlikely, it won’t break my wallet.
Last night’s show might have been the best one I’ve ever attended, or at least the best in recent memory (sans the amazing set from The Dangerous Summer at Warped). I’ve never seen Handguns, I Call Fives, The Story So Far, or (even heard of) We Are the Union, but each band put on an amazing set. Also, I didn’t even know Heartsounds was playing, but they ended up being swell, too, even though I’d only just read about them an hour before the show. The local acts that started the show weren’t too bad either, if a little generic, but I’m sure both bands’ll be awesome once they get their footing with their sound.
I sang every word of every song for Handguns right in the singer’s face the entire time. Although I didn’t know all the songs since some were old, I was right up front for all of The Story So Far as well. Then I Call Fives came on, and the same happened, but I sang some of my favorite song (“For the Best”) with Jonathan when the singer gave us the mic. We Are the Union came on next, and I’d never heard of them, but apparently they are a mix of pop-punk and ska—and are fucking great. (Quick anecdote: WATU finish their set with a mini-cover of “Back in Black” and two random guys started dancing/jumping/flailing around, naked. Hilarious, but disturbing.)
All in all, another awesome show under my belt before college.
There was this kid I used to randomly hang out with in Greenpoint. I’m sure he was a nice enough guy, but there was more than one occasion where he would talk shit for no reason about people he called his friends; he was probably just trying to come off as cool to impress whichever girls were around.
He drowned this week on a Boy Scouts trip upstate.
Although I wasn’t close to him, I still feel the sadness that death brings over everything. He wasn’t on the best of terms with some of the people in our relatively large group of friends, and his death makes me think about how I would feel if the people I’m on bad terms with died.
That feeling is literally the only thing in this world that puts fear into my heart.
I love being in the crowd at intimate shows in basements, tiny clubs, and random other small areas, but I’m a bit done with moshing for a bit. Tomorrow, I think I’m going to be the pop-punk hipster and bring my pieced-together DSLR to a show and figure out how to use it and get badass shots. Expect shitty pictures tomorrow. :D
I quit trying to read or sleep within ten minutes because of the extreme humidity in which my house apparently clouds itself. I don’t know how my parents sleep so uncomfortably.
Greg and I played handball today and my hand blew up with pain from a gash I got at Warped last week—second time this week I stupidly went to play handball.
Then we shot pool, and this was the first time I ever banked shots—on purpose! Epic evening for my billiards skills. By the way, I’m terrible, so if you’re reading this, challenge me to a game for money. >:D
I think I put on a pretty grand show for everyone.
I’ve been a mess since February, and I’m not even sure whether I’m good now. I’m confused as to who I was trying to fool: was it everyone I know or just myself? Lately, I’ve been thinking it’s both for the past two months.
As happy as I am for all the guys in my band with their lovely girlfriends and happy relationships, I’m tired of being around them. I look at them and see how I was not even a year ago, and it fucking kills. I don’t know how I could see them day after day and not flip out, but maybe that’s why I’m writing this—to be a cathartic mess and not bug out on the people I love the most. I don’t blame them at all, but this is why I’ve become such a loner as of late. I’m better at being myself when it is just myself.
I feel like I’m being teased, but I don’t know by whom and why it’s happening.